Promised follow-up to my post about a weighty issue. I know two things for sure:
- I did not feel better about this on my own, and
- this is not a destination, a single point on the map, or a journey I have completed
Far from it.
Along the way, I have had help – conversations with friends, relatives, teachers, students, grocery-store cashiers, dogs, clouds, and journals – anyone who would listen, anyone who had an opinion on the subjects of coming to terms with ourselves, of being authentic, of being kind.
Turns out, a lot of people think about this.
Holly and I talked about that thing couples do, where She asks Him, “Does my butt look big in this dress?” Or She tells Him about the pimple on her face, the cellulite she’s developed, or her grey hairs.
Holly had one of those conversations with her sweet husband and he told her – and this is big, folks – he doesn’t see those things. They are not what he sees when he looks at her.
He doesn’t see it.
Holly doesn’t need to ask him if he likes a dress (although she could, and probably does). If he compliments her, she doesn’t need to point out tired eyes, new wrinkles (Holly doesn’t have wrinkles), or some other imagined imperfection.
She can greet him with, “I am hot and I have no flaws.” Let me repeat that.
I am hot and I have no flaws.
And he will cheerfully agree.
Then Holly told me about an article she read – and I’ll sum it up badly, because we had this conversation over a year ago and I didn’t read the actual article, so this is all basically just heresay, but you’ll believe me because it’s GOOD heresay, and Holly would not lie about such a thing – that reports men are anthrop0logically wired to not see flaws in their partners.
Flaws are not what they see.
I promptly asked my husband about this phenomenon – he is also a really sweet man, and that’s not just Love talking – and he doesn’t see it either.
He doesn’t see it.
He sees me. He sees a beautiful woman he loves. Those two are the same thing.
If, after all that, you still want to insist you have flaws, I have something for you.
Your flaws make you flawesome.
So. Pick your quote.
Either way, you win.
You are lovely and beautiful and warm and human and the only amazing, authentic you – flawesome – exactly as you are.
On the Christmas calendar today: lottery tickets for MegaMillions. Hey, don’t judge. Kristina’s 18 now, and she was thrilled. Then she asked if she has to share any winnings with me.