the things that sustain us

After five months of being ill, and two surgeries, I am on the other side. I am recovering. I am healing. I am building up my strength. I am a MAGIC HEALING PERSON.

Or so one of my surgeons tells me. (I like him.)

There were times of abject misery and near-total despair – moments of true darkness, especially when Kaylah left us in the middle of it all. There were tears. Fists were shaken at the sky and WHY-MEs were hollered.

I tried to be grateful.

Really, I did. I noted that if I had been sick this way in Game of Thrones (our short hand for living in the middle ages), I’d probably be dead – but only after a hideous festering decline. The middle ages were not known for delicate illnesses.

What got me through is simple: love. Love saved me.

Oh, sure, modern medicine did its part. There were x-rays and CT scans, and multiple rounds of antibiotics. There were surgeries, irrigation, and stitches, narcotics, sterile gauze, and anti-nausea meds.

Ed was there through it all.

He was patient and kind, full of empathy and compassion. He never rushed me. He encouraged me constantly. He knew I was afraid and he didn’t try to fix it. He held my hand. He caught my tears.

Until – finally – I turned the corner. I started to get better. I began to heal. And together we celebrated. By going to the ocean – the most healing place I know.

So, another in the light series of quotes for my one little word.

Love is not consolation. It is light.
~Nietzsche

Ed lights up my every day. He is my love. And his love has saved me, more than once.

 

4 Comments

  • This post is about Ed. Kristina was also here for the worst of my illness/recovery. She was away at school for the beginning and the end.

    While Kristina was home, she shopped + cooked, she shared conversation + gave me something to focus on (that wasn’t how shitty I felt), she listened to me rant + cry, she watched me fight with the post-op narcotics. She cheered me on + shared my grief.

    She cared and loved and felt helpless in the face of it all. Watching someone you love be really, really ill is like that. Kristina hasn’t yet seen me getting so much better, as the second surgery happened after she returned to Ithaca. I am so excited to share healthier me with her.

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